THE MAGIC OF FORGIVENESS

When we think that an injustice has been done to us and we’ve been vulnerable and hurt, what are we to do? However, holding onto revenge and anger has a very real effect on our immune system. We become more vulnerable to many types of diseases because these vengeful thoughts translate into stress responses. This may result in them becoming the underlying factors in many psychosomatic and bodily illnesses. Research supports this repeatedly: our general health is affected by holding onto vindictive thoughts – whether you are the revenge taker or the revenge receiver. Both ways, you are on the losing end.

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of the past and opening to the future. It is a way of releasing ourselves from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others.

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. It helps us become free from the pain and anger we feel. It is truly a GIFT TO OURSELVES. Forgiving the person at whom you are angry releases you from the very transgression that was done to you.

Forgiveness can free us from all the entanglements of the past. It helps us let go of the negative feelings and gives us a sense of control over our lives. This anger that we tend to hold onto can tighten around our necks like a noose and prevent us from moving on with our lives.

Sometimes, as marriage partners, we commit an act against one another which is the discovery that your husband/wife is having an affair. It is rightfully perceived as the ultimate betrayal and the harbinger of divorce. How does one get past this hurt? How is trust ever to be had in such a marriage? Would you be willing to give up what you HAD because his/her betrayal rendered your marriage into a charade?

In her book on anger, Carol Travis talks about forgiveness in 5 basic steps:

1.  Remembering in detail what happened, how it made us feel, understanding the other person, and hearing what they thought happened and how they experienced it.
2. After forgiveness comes reconciliation. Reconciliation is the HIGHEST POINT OF HEALING. With reconciliation, one has to eliminate old patterns and create a basis for healthy emotional interaction.
3. Please refer at this time to the “Techniques for Achieving Forgiveness” below.
4. Remember: Divorce is easy. Achieving marital reconciliation and the subsequent forgiveness is a struggle – but well worth it.